A Personal Odyssey from Bipolar Disorder Madness to Remission to Recovery

Bipolar disorder is not only treatable and recovery possible, but it is achievable. I know this not only theoretically, but from personal experience.

What I have learned along my thirty year journey from confusion and pain to break through and recovery is that bipolar disorder, no matter the type or signs, affects the whole person – mind (one's thoughts and beliefs), soul (one's emotions) and body (one’s physiology and behavior).

It's more than words, it also extends its tentacles to every area of one's life. Based on that, the pathway to recovery involves a holistic approach.

The Early Years

Like so many who battle with manic depression, I was blessed with a diversity of artistic abilities that enabled me to tap into the deepest strata of my being. In one sense, my disorder was a blessing in disguise because my mood swings often triggered a plethora of artistic expressions both as an artist, an actor and a writer.

After graduating from the High School of Art and Design in Manhattan, New York and a stint on active duty in the U.S. Navy, I decided to follow in my father's footsteps as an actor/dancer and spent ten years in show business.

The bright lights and big city life were not without its pitfalls, and it was during that time that my former mood swings became more radical.

Rather than giving them much thought, I simply chalked them up to an artistic temperament or my type "A" personality.

I later had the insight to learn, however, that those experiences were actually manic depressive episodes.

The Ravages of Bipolar Disorder - A life Out of Control

With each passing year, my episodes became more frequent, lasted longer and became more severe. Subsequently, those radical mood swings led to bizarre behavioral patterns such as: apathy, isolation, excessive sleeping, chronic negative thinking, irresponsibility and thoughts of or attempts at suicide.

Then for no apparent reason, I suddenly cycled into a hypo manic state, characterized by "highs" (e.g. a hyperactive, euphoric state), racing thoughts, excessive speech, flights of ideas, impaired judgment and little if any need of sleep for days at a time. In addition to all that there were periodic apparitions, recreational drug use and sexually promiscuous behavior.

In short, my life was spinning out of control, which led to three suicide attempts and four hospitalizations all of which resulted in being misdiagnosed.

Break Through

Things began to change the day I was introduced to two young women, both of whom had extensive knowledge about bipolar disorder from first-hand experience and hours of empirical study.

After patiently listening to my story they asked several questions regarding my diagnoses, the medication I was taking, and the treatment plan my doctor had prescribed. As Jan, one of the two women listening to me shared some of her own forays with manic depressive disorder it became obvious to me that she understood what I was talking about.

Considering her knowledge and experience with my condition, along with the empathy and concern I read in her eyes, she gained my complete trust.

Later, as I was preparing to leave, Randi, Jan's roommate, handed me a piece of paper and said, "The next time you see your doctor, ask him these questions and get back to us."

I followed her directive but found my doctor's response to the questions I raised evasive and ambiguous at best. Frustrated and disappointed, I called my new found friends and made arrangements to meet with them again.

After hearing what my doctor had to say and the treatment plan he prescribed, both women advised me to stop wasting my time seeing what they called a general psychiatrist. "You need to get to a doctor who specializes in mood disorders", Jan said.

She then referred me to her doctor, who just so happened to be the Director of the Mood Disorder Program at the University Of Miami School Of Medicine, and offered to arrange an appointment for me.

The Diagnosis

Finally, after years of speculation, confusion, hospitalizations and incorrect diagnoses, I was correctly diagnosed by Dr. Paul Goodnick.

Following a thorough physical examination and a review of my life history, Dr. Goodniek, looking me directly in the eye, declared that I was suffering from what was known as Bipolar disorder, type II.

He then asked me a simple yet pointed question.

"Now that you know what you are dealing with, what are you willing to do about it?"

My answer was as direct as his question.

"Whatever it takes", I replied.

"Okay, here's what it is going to take," he said, promising to treat me if I would agree to the following conditions:

• To faithfully take the medications prescribed.
• Agree to have my blood drawn regularly.
• To keep and be on time for every appointment.
• To find and become part of a support group, and to see a therapist who specializes in mood disorders.

I continued that regime for ten years which eventually led to remission and recovery from the ravages of bipolar disorder.

Critical Lessons That Lead to My Recovery

• The importance of consistently maintaining the prescribed treatment plan to prevent relapses. One time I failed to keep an appointment with my doctor and was notified the next day that he was dropping me as a patient. Frantically, I called to apologize and asked him to reconsider and thankfully he did. Needless to say, I never missed another appointment.
• Learning to think in a healthier, more constructive way.
• Discovering and utilizing my unique God given gifts, talents, and abilities to help others.
• Reclaiming the things bipolar disorder stole from me which involved ...

1. My self identity and purpose in life.
2. The need to repair broken relationships with family and friends.
3. The faith to believe that "God had not given me a spirit of fear but one of power, love and a sound mind." II Tim. 1:7.

Implementing and practicing these self care steps eventually led to a third career as a Certified Mental Health Rehabilitation Specialist with the David Lawrence Mental Health Center in Naples Florida.

That position opened doors for me to lead a bipolar support group and opportunities to speak at various NAMI functions and conferences.

If you'd like to discuss your own situation or you have further questions, contact me.