The “tortured genius” myth, so often attributed to creative individuals (e.g., artists, authors, performers, etc.) can be a persuasive one. It can also prevent creative people who are bipolar from seeking treatment.

    Many gifted people who are bipolar fear that medication or therapy will diminish or rob them of their creativity, yet research, my own experience, and that of others, suggest that treatment actually fosters and enhances creative productivity.

Creative Output During Manic Depressive Episodes – Before Treatment

As far back as I can remember, artistic expression played an important role in my life. It first surfaced at a young age in the form of writing and drawing.

In her book “Drawing On the Right Side of the Brain” (J.P. Tarcher Inc. 1970), Betty Edwards puts it this way: “Drawing is a magical process. When your brain is weary of it’s verbal chatter, drawing is a way to quiet the chatter and grasp a fleeting glimpse of transcendent reality. By the most direct means, your visual perception streams through the human system – through retinas, optic pathways, brain hemispheres, and motor pathways, to magically transform your unique response to your vision of perception.”

The quality and volume of my earlier work, before I was diagnosed with bipolar Type II disorder, prolifically depicted dark depressive themes – sorrow, uncertainty, fear, anxiety, hopelessness, etc.

However, unlike some authors and performers who cease to be creative during their episodes, that was not the case with me, as evidenced by the illustrations in part two of my book, “Dancing on the Edge, A Personal and Visual Odyssey through Manic Depression.”

As I grew older, my creative talents expanded to include my work as a dancer, actor and stage performer. By that time, in addition to my depressive episodes, I was also experiencing hypo-manic ones. That, together with little need for sleep, seemed to enhance my ability to memorize dialogue, dance routines, and the creativity needed to develop whatever character I was playing. Those elevated moods, however, often left me vulnerable and willing to take dangerous risks in other areas of my life.

As other artistically gifted individuals have testified, my creative talents seemed to empower me to channel my moods into visually perceived forms, in a way I was unable to do with people.

Creative Output – Post Treatment

Rather than hindering my creative impulses, the treatment plan and the medications my doctor prescribed began to stabilize my mood swings, which in turn, helped me better control whatever else was going on in my life at the time. That, by extension, manifested itself in and by the subjects, themes and mediums I chose to express myself. Nevertheless, there were similarities and differences in my work before and after treatment.

For example:

* The artwork I produced prior to treatment was steeped in dark foreboding themes that lacked light and color. By contrast, after treatment, my creative output reflected the pathway I was on leading to wellness. Unlike my earlier work, the visual images that found their way to paper or canvas featured positive, hopeful, and self-confrontational themes. Light, color, and rational design were also introduced during that period.

* In both cases, before and after treatment, the approach I used to tap into the source of my creativity remained the same, in that, I never planned or preconceived my artwork - it just seemed to flow spontaneously from somewhere deep inside me and gradually surfaced in visual images that were sketched onto paper.

* The third difference I experienced while undergoing treatment was an expansion rather than a contraction of my creative abilities. I believe this transpired, due in large part, to the added treatment I was receiving from a cognitive therapist. Under his care, I relearned how to think and perceive things in a clear, rational and logical manner. As a result, I was able to modify negative, self-destructive behavior, by setting my sights on positive constructive objectives, from which emerged new creative outlets. One of those outlets came my way by writing two award-winning autobiographical books on bipolar disorder. Public speaking also provided a portal by which to express myself and benefit others. Taken together both of those opportunities added another dimension to the person I was becoming.

It was difficult to imagine life without mood swings during the earlier days of my recovery, but I soon learned that by taking the medications my doctor prescribed, my life could be as balanced and productive as anyone else. At first I balked at the idea of having to take pills every day, but I soon discovered it was a small price to pay for the emotional balance and well being I was gaining.

Stability can be welcomed and terrifying at the same time. It is gratifying because it gives one some control over their lives. It is terrifying because the “edge” one thinks they have during a manic depressive episode appears to be gone.

The perceived loss of that “edge” - so important to creative people - is why some who struggle with bipolar disorder, choose to play Russian Roulette with their lives, by discontinuing their medication.

At some point during one of my self-confrontational exercises, I came to grips with the fact that if I seriously wanted to be done with mood swings and achieve stability of mind, I would have to make some concessions, one of which was taking my medication whether I felt like it or not.

However, contrary to the experience other manic depressive artists have reported, I didn’t lose my creative “edge.” Not only was I able concentrate and control my mood swings by taking my medications, I found that I was as creative, if not more so, than I had been in the past.

* Evidence That You Do Not Need To Be Bipolar To Be Creative

     Consider the number of artistic people who are notbipolar, yet excel in creative expression. Some of these individuals have produced works that are seen by many as ingenious masterpieces in their particular creative disciplines. Take for instance…

        • Composers like Johann Sebastian Bach, Amadeus Mozart or George Frederick Handel

        • Painters, such as Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo and Pablo Picasso

        • Authors, like Shakespeare, Dostoevsky, Charles Dickens and C.S. Lewis

        • Dancer/Choreographers, such as Mikail Baryshnkov, Fred Astaire, Jerome Robbins, Bob Fosse, and the list goes on.

* What Then Does One Need To Be Creative

    + Essentially, God given talents with the passion and discipline to develop them.

    + Inspiration, time and the desire to use your gifts as a means of self-expression.

* A Warning Against Romancing Bipolar Disorder

     During my own battle with manic depressive disorder, I’ve known a number of creative individuals who have bought into the idea that their disorder was somehow linked to their being geniuses. That “myth” seems to have been formulated, at least in part, by hearing about talented people who were/are bipolar, or from seeing the disorder depicted on the “silver screen” by Hollywood.

    This was never clearer to me than when I attended or facilitated bipolar support groups. Inevitably there was someone in the group who, perceiving themselves through the lens of their disorder, concluded that they were geniuses and their works were masterpieces. And, if anyone questioned the validity of their assertions, those people were written off as being unenlightened, ignorant, hyper-critical or against them.

    Most of these people seemed to share the following characteristics:

    - Thinking that what others were saying about them or their work was due to an inability to perceive their genius, or that they were trying to rob them of it by insisting they take their medications.

    - Viewing their mood swings, grandiose cognitive patterns and bizarre behavior as being part of their genius.

    - Using isolation as a defense mechanism to protect themselves.

    - Displaying frustration, anger and rebellion towards anyone who is unwilling to recognize their genius.

* A Message For Creative People With Bipolar Disorder

    It is my hope, based on this personal account and the testimonies of other gifted people, that you have seen how treatment for bipolar disorder can enable, rather than hinder, your creativity. It is certainly worth considering, is it not?

Bipolar depression is often more severe and differs in character from uni-polar depression. For me, it was frequently being unable to function even at a basic level. Coupled with that was a complete loss of meaning and purpose, together with periodic suicidal ideations.

The Onset and Progression of Bipolar Depression

My introduction to bipolar depression began randomly in my early teens. I knew there was something distinct about that occurrence because the signs differed, in both intensity and duration, (it lasted for about two weeks) than the common bouts of melancholy most teenagers experience due to hormonal changes or failing to achieve a goal. Unlike the “blue” periods I had from time to time, that episode was marked by extreme sadness, loneliness, and despair for no apparent reason at all. No matter what I tried, I was unable to shake it. Any sense of self worth I may have had prior to that incident totally vanished.

As I grew into adulthood, depressive episodes, (my stronger pole), were followed by hypo-manic ones. The following examples may help illustrate my foray’s into bipolar depression.

One day while I was groveling in the sewer of a severe bout with depression, my thoughts kept reminding me of what a hopeless failure I was. As a result, I spent a lot of time uncharacteristically crying. 

On another occasion I found myself aimlessly driving around for hours, until by chance, I pulled into a mall’s parking garage. As I entered the mall, I was greeted by an onslaught of shoppers that swept me along until I was so tired and disoriented that I had to sit down. As I did so, I searched my mind for some semblance of self-identity, but all I found was an empty shell of the man I used to be.

At other times it felt like I was encapsulated by invisible walls that kept me isolated and disconnected from the outside world. Time hardly seemed to move. One minute felt like an hour and an hour like a day. I was conscious of my surroundings, but the “invisible walls” prevented me from connecting with anyone. 

I tried using logic, positive thinking, and other techniques to brake loose of that state. “All you need to do”, I told myself, “is be a man, pull yourself up by your “bootstraps”, and get on with life. But nothing worked. My most valiant efforts were simply exercises in futility compared to the power that held me captive. The only thing that offered even a modicum of relief was when I was engaged in my work as an actor / dancer, expressing myself through painting and writing, or loosing myself while listening to calm, beautiful music.

What Did Work

1) Referrals

One afternoon after listening to my story, a friend of mine, (who also happened to be bipolar) offered to schedule an appointment for me to see her doctor who specialized in mood disorders. 

Unlike the doctors I’d seen in the past, I was first given a plethora of forms to fill out detailing my past and present physical health, family background, a history of my symptoms and when they began. Then, after conducting an extensive examination, the doctor diagnosed me as having bipolar disorder, Type 2. He continued by outlining an aggressive treatment plan consisting of medications that would balance my brains bio-chemistry and reduce the severity of my episodes. He also scheduled periodic blood tests and required that I keep every appointment I made with him.

2) Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. (CBT)

I’ve mentioned this in previous posts, but because it was so critical when dealing with my disorder, it’s worth repeating.

Although the medications were effectively reducing my episodes, my cognitive and behavioral state were far from optimal. Years of living with bipolar depression had conditioned me to think negatively. My world and life view were predominantly pessimistic and cynical. Somehow I knew that medication alone was not going to resolve those matters, so, based on my doctor’s counsel – I sought out and found a therapist who had successfully treated people with bipolar disorder.

Sitting in the waiting room before my first appointment, I shifted and squirmed nervously in my seat wondering if this therapist would help me, or if this was going to be an exercise in futility and a waste of time and money.

When the door to his office opened, a middle aged man greeted me. “Hello, my name is Frank”, he said, ushering me into his office. Uncertain as to where to begin, I peppered Frank with a multitude of questions. His manner was composed and self assured as he answered my questions. Tension subsided – I relaxed – and by the end of the session I was confident he’d be able to help me. 

His perception and relaxed style were reassuring and comforting, and I appreciated his propensity to guide rather than pontificate.

During the five years I spent with Frank I gained new insight and cognitive skill with which to confront life’s issues and that led to behavioral changes.

Problems did not disappear overnight – quite the contrary. I tripped, stumbled and made numerous mistakes along the way. But with the tools I now had at my disposal, together with a lot hard work, I gradually underwent a metamorphosis.

3) Bipolar Support Groups

One of the benefits of attending a bipolar support group was the growing awareness that bipolar depression was a treatable, controllable, condition. That alone provided me with the hope that stability was achievable. 

I made other interesting discoveries on my journey towards wellness by attending support groups. The following are a few examples;

It was comforting to know that I was not alone in my struggles to overcome my disorder.

• I had the freedom to honestly express my innermost thoughts and feelings without shame, embarrassment, or criticism whichwas truly liberating.
• Listening to others explain how they effectively handled guilt, negative thinking, isolating themselves, and the stigma they encountered was enlightening.
• I also learned what stifled others from achieving wellness. Thinking of themselves as victims and engaging in perpetual self pity parties without taking advantage of the practical strategies used by others was a major one.

Treatment for bipolar depression is not a one size fits all proposition. But the chances of becoming a functional human being is greater when one uses all the therapeutic means that are available today.

Practical Strategies I’ve Used to Prevent or Shorten Depressive Episodes

Establish specific short term goals, like the following;

1) For at least three weeks, try using an alarm clock to wake up at the same time every day whether you feel like it or not. Why? Because it takes twenty one days to create or break a habit.

2) Eliminate unhealthy foods (containing high carbs, or sugar) for a month, then evaluate how it made you feel physically and make adjustments accordingly.

3) Try engaging in some form of self-expression, such as drawing, painting, sculpting, writing, etc. This will add a positive dimension to your life.

4) Caring for something or someone other than yourself, which may include another person, an animal, or volunteering for a worthy organization. Doing that will divert attention away from your disorder and give you a sense of purpose. It will also promote your worth as a person.

5) Practice replacing negative self talk with positive constructive thoughts. Rather than telling yourself “I can’t do that” try saying “I’ll attempt to do that”, then reinforce that notion by thinking of things you’ve done in the past that you never thought you could do.

Hope for the Future

The balance and productivity I enjoy today, demonstrates that stability and wellness from bipolar depression is achievable. It’s not so much a matter of “will power” but how much you really want to attain stability and control over your life and what you are willing to do about it.

Let me assure anyone reading this post that the pain and despair you may experience during a bipolar episode is understandable, it makes sense, but it is also survivable.

If you would like to talk with me about what you, or someone you know, are going through, I welcome emails through my contact page. I personally respond to each contact.

Looking back on my experience with bipolar disorder I was never aware that my emotional state and ultimately my behavior sprang from a bio-chemical imbalance in my brain.

How could I? I’d never heard of manic depression before.

I always attributed my emotional and mental state as being part of my personality or my artistic temperament, both of which contributed to a lack of insight during my episodes.

Insight is defined as having the ability to discern truth from falsehood or fact from fiction. It includes the ability to think rationally and exercise sound judgment. A lack of insight is just the opposite.

What a Lack of Insight Feels Like and How It Manifests Itself During a Depressive or Hypo-Manic Episode.

As a general rule my depressive episodes were not triggered by external circumstances, as is the case with most people who experience periods of melancholy or sadness. For me it felt like a dark cloud descending upon me for no apparent reason at all.

Suddenly, I seemed to be looking through negative lenses that distorted my perspective on life in general and myself in particular. I became highly critical of my abilities, setting little value on anything I accomplished. The future seemed shrouded in gloom and I felt like an outsider.

At times it felt like I was living in two dimensions simultaneously - the physical world of time and space, and a world that held me captive with invisible chains that no amount of self-will could set me free.

Hypo-mania, for me, was akin to being submerged in a sea of vibrant colors all swirling around at blinding speed. Racing thoughts and flights of ideas left me confused and hindered my ability to communicate clearly. Errors in judgment prompted me to take dangerous risks with little, if any, concern about the consequences.

One afternoon after observing my mood swings and subsequent behavior, my wife presented me with a book about bipolar disorder and said she thought I was manifesting many of the symptoms. I immediately dismissed that idea by telling her there was nothing wrong with me that a little less stress and some rest and relaxation wouldn’t cure.

Denial, (another one of the signs of a lack of insight) was not only true in my case but seems to be a common among many others who struggle with bipolar disorder, especially before being correctly diagnosed.

It usually surfaces when someone suggests you may have bipolar disorder. Immediately, defenses go up and even the most blatant symptoms are minimized and rationalized away.

Denial does not affect everyone in the same way. For some, it becomes so strong that it will only yield when the consequences become so overwhelming that they collapse emotionally or are hospitalized.

For others it may take loosing everything they hold dear, (spouses, children, family, jobs, etc.) before they will admit the truth about themselves and seek help. And sometimes, in the most extreme cases, it may take waking up in a hospital room after a suicide attempt.

Other Contributing Factors That Lead To An Inability To Discern Fact From Fiction.

First: The way one is raised.

For example, in an attempt to help me achieve my greatest potential, my father inadvertently programmed me into believing that anything Idid was never quite good enough. “That’s good but…” I can still hear him say.

Over time that message became so deeply ingrained in my subconscious that it became part of my belief system. That conviction not only prevented me from discerning truth from error about the things I did, but was eventually translated into the belief that I as a person, was not good enough.

That erroneous reasoning produced in me an inferiority complex that enslaved and drove me to find some sense of personal worth from the approval of others. At the deepest level of my being, I didn’t like myself.

Second: Culture, Technology, and the Media.

Today, more than at any time in the past we are inundated with information, thanks in large part to advances made in advertising, television programs along with their commercials, movies, the internet, social media, etc. Those things not only influence the general public, but also affect the way those of us with bipolar think and act.

What Constitutes Insight, and How to Gain It.

Insight is not a one time epiphany, but an ongoing commitment that begins with an awareness that something is wrong, admitting it, and having the willingness to do whatever it takes to correct it. This will mean;

• Finding a doctor who specializes in mood disorders. This will help you gain insight into what the problem is and how it can be treated. I speak from personal experience as someone who was misdiagnosed many times by “general” psychiatrists who treat a plethora of disorders. It was only after being referred to a mood disorder specialist that I was correctly diagnosed and successfully treated me. Personal references are always best, but your local NAMI affiliate can probably refer you to a doctor who has successfully treated individuals with bipolar disorder.
• Consulting a cognitive/behavioral therapist who has treated patients with bipolar disorder can help clean out the emotional “cobwebs” that have accumulate in your mind over the years. Again, it was a cognitive therapist that helped me gain insight into what my father was trying to do that lead to the erroneous conclusion that I, as a person, was not good enough.
• Attending a good support group, either in person or online, is another effective way to not only gain insight on issues you may be struggling with but can also provide you with immediate constructive feedback. Other benefits a support group provides include;
  1) Helping you deal with stigma or isolating.
  2) They can also teach you coping skills to countermand mood swings.
  3) And being part of a group provides an opportunity to develop relationships with others who understand the battles you face everyday.

What I Did to Keep and Improve the Insights I Acquired

• Reminding myself daily that I am a unique individual created by God with gifts, talents and abilities specifically designed for me to glorify Him and enhance the lives of others.
• Keeping a journal of the insights I’ve gained, and new ones I’ve discovered, serve to reinforce and encourage me whenever I get discouraged.
• Reading books and meditating on the insights others have gained and passed down through the ages is another means of enlightenment. For me that would include the book of “Proverbs” written by a man who many consider to be the wisest man that ever lived. That book in particular has provided me with insight in many areas of my life.
• Developing relationships with people I trust, respect and admire for the insights they’ve acquired over the years has benefited me as well. Being around such people, as the saying goes, “more is caught than taught.”
• Finally, don’t be afraid of stumbling or failing. People learn and obtain insight by making mistakes when trying to achieving their goals. The key is perseverance, which eventually will produce discernment, (insight) and personal growth.

By way of encouragement let me leave you with this;

When I was in the depth of my struggles, after three suicide attempts and four hospitalizations, I never dreamed I’d write two books on bipolar disorder and gain enough insight to help others dealing with their disorder by writing blogs.

The pain was too great. The confusion too deep, and the hopelessness too complete.

But I’ve learned that bipolar is treatable and that through stability one finds insight.

Exercising sound judgment does not happen over night; It requires commitment, but it is absolutely achievable. 

Would you like help? Whether you have questions about your bipolar disorder, or someone you know, I'd love to connect with you.

Click here and fill out the contact form to reach out. I reply to every real message. Or leave a comment below. Let's start a conversation about your journey toward recovery.

I remember the day my life changed forever. It happened the moment my doctor looked me in the eye and said the words I was longing to hear after years of confusion.

"You have what is known as Bipolar Type II," he said.

'Finally,' I thought to myself, 'a name for the madness.'

If you’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, or you are sitting in a waiting room wondering which “type” you have and what it really means, you are not alone. Understanding the types of bipolar disorder is a crucial steps toward reclaiming your life.

After living with bipolar disorder for over three decades, here’s what I’ve learned. Knowledge is power. Once you understand what you are dealing with, you can stop blaming yourself and start taking real action.

There are three distinct differences between daily mood changes most people experience from time to time and bipolar disorder.

Episodes of depression and mania, (or hypo-mania) that spring from bipolar disorder are more extreme, prolonged, and far more debilitating than the normal emotional fluctuations.

And the good news? Each type of the disorder presents differently which means that treatment can be tailored specifically to you.

Understanding the Three Main Types of Bipolar Disorder

Before you can start treating something you must understand it. When I was first diagnosed something seemed to shift inside me. I began to see that not everything was my fault. Not everything was due to weakness. I had, in fact, a treatable medical condition.

Bipolar I: The Most Severe Form

Bipolar I is characterized by severe, full blown manic episodes that last at least a week – or is so severe that it requires immediate hospitalization.

Imagine this: Your thoughts are racing like misguided missiles. Some hit their targets while others spiral into grandiosity. You feel boundless energy flowing through you. You truly believe you can take on the world. Sleep becomes unnecessary. Your mind is operating in “overdrive” and the world seems like a big playground designed just for you.

But then comes the other side. Depressive episodes characterized by profound darkness. Apathy. Isolation. Excessive sleeping. Chronic negative thinking and sometimes thoughts of suicide.

What makes Bipolar I distinct, is that during manic episodes, some people experience psychosis – delusions or hallucinations that are so real they become indistinguishable from truth. These people might believe the government is watching them or that they’ve discovered a cure for cancer despite having no medical training at all. But these are not signs of weakness; they are symptoms of a serious medical condition requiring specialized treatment. 

Many people suffering from Bipolar I may require hospitalization during a manic episode because of the risky behavior they engage in; reckless driving, financial irresponsibility, dangerous sexual choices, etc. Such behavior can literally be life threatening.

Bipolar II: The Misunderstood Type

When I was correctly diagnosed, my doctor told me I had Bipolar type II.

At first, I felt almost relieved. ‘It wasn’t bipolar I. Surely that means it’s less serious’, I told myself.

But here's what I learned: Bipolar II isn't "milder" in the way we typically think of the word - it is different.

Bipolar II doesn’t involve full blown manic episodes. Instead, these people experience what is known as “hypo-manic” episodes, which sounds similar but it’s critical to understand the difference.

 Hypo-mania is like mania’s quieter cousin. You fell elevated, energized and productive. You might go on shopping sprees or start some ambitious projects on a whim because your mood is abnormally high and your energy level is through the roof. But here’s the distinction; you are not losing touch with reality. You are not experiencing the psychosis that sometimes comes with mania. You can still function, though often poorly. You might make some rash decisions or decide to paint your entire house on impulse, but you are not necessarily hospitalized.

Depression during a bipolar II episode can be relentless. Research indicates that people suffering from bipolar II spend more time in a depressive state than those with Bipolar I. And that’s where the real suffering lies – not so much in the highs, but in the lows.

But here’s the irony: because hypo-manic episodes aren’t as obvious as manic episodes, many people with bipolar II are initially misdiagnosed with depression. They seek help during the dark times, not realizing that the “good days” they’re experiencing aren’t normal, but are hypo-manic episodes. As a result, antidepressants alone are prescribed which can sometimes make hypo-manic episodes worse, creating a confusing cycle of misunderstanding.

Cyclothymia: The Subtle Perpetrator

Cyclothymia is the mildest form of bipolar disorder, and yet it can be the most insidious because it flies under the radar. Cyclothymia consists of briefer periods of hypo-mania and persistent depression but are not as severe as Bipolar I or type II.

The danger with Cyclothymia is that it is often gets dismissed as being “moody”, or having a personality flaw. Friends might think you are just being difficult. Family members might chalk it up to emotional immaturity. But Cyclothymia can significantly interfere with your relationships, work, and daily functions. However, with proper treatment it can be managed effectively.

I think of Cyclothymia as a voice in the back of the room that nobody listens to until suddenly it is screaming so loudly you can’t ignore it anymore.

Why Understanding Your Type Matters

When I finally understood that I had Bipolar II, not just "depression," everything changed.
My doctor explained this would mean:

1. My treatment would be different. First of all, he prescribed a mood stabilizer, not just an antidepressant alone. He also added a medication to control hypo-mania.
2. It meant that I’d eventually be able to recognize my own patterns. Understanding hypo-mania helped me catch the early signs before things spiraled out of control. I also learned that excessive optimism – the feeling that I could accomplish anything – were “red flags”, not grandiose fantasies.
3. It also meant I could stop the “shame” cycle. I wasn’t lazy during my depressive episodes, nor was I irresponsible during hypo-manic ones. In reality I had a biochemical imbalance in my brain that required medical management.
4. It meant finding help through bipolar support groups, a cognitive therapist that specialized in mood disorders and communities of people who truly get it. All of these things brought about significant changes in my life.

The Pathway Forward: From Understanding to Stability

Here’s what thirty plus years of living with bipolar disorder has taught me. Understanding the specific type of bipolar disorder I had was just the beginning. The real transformation came from commitment.

After correctly diagnosing me, my doctor asked, “Now that you know what you are dealing with, what are you willing to do about it?”

Without hesitation I said, “Whatever it takes.” And I meant it. That commitment included:

• Keeping the stated appointment's with my doctor.
• Taking the medication he prescribed, even on those days when I felt fine, or didn’t feel like taking them.
• Developing coping skills with the help of a cognitive therapist.
• Joining a bipolar support group where I learned from the life experiences of others.
• And refocusing my attention away from the disorder and using my God-given talents and abilities to help others.

Taking these simple steps have taught me that bipolar disorder, no matter what type, affects the whole person – your mind, your emotions, your faith, your body and your relationships. The pathway to recovery isn’t just about taking medication, it requires a holistic approach that includes:

• Learning to think in healthier, more constructive ways
• Repairing broken relationships
• Reclaiming your sense of identity and purpose
• Establishing consistent routines that support stability
• And building genuine connections with people who understand

But My Story Doesn’t End Here and Neither Does Yours

When I was in the depths of my struggles – after three suicide attempts and four hospitalizations – I never imagined I’d be here sharing my story and helping others deal with their disorders. The pain was too real. The confusion too deep. The hopelessness too complete.

But I’ve learned that bipolar disorder is treatable. Stability is possible. It’s not easy, and requires commitment, but it is absolutely achievable.

Your diagnosis is not your destiny. Understanding which type of bipolar disorder you have is simply the first step towards taking back control of your life. There are treatments that work, support systems that understand, and pathways to stability and purpose.

The question isn’t whether recovery is possible – it is. The question is, what are you willing to do about it.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you're struggling to understand your bipolar diagnosis, or if you're navigating the confusion of which type you have and what that means for your treatment, you don't have to do this alone. I've walked this path, and I know how isolating it can feel when nobody around you truly understands what you're going through.

I'm here to help. Whether you have questions about your specific type of bipolar disorder, need guidance on finding specialized treatment, or simply want to talk to someone who genuinely understands the bipolar experience, I'd love to connect with you.

Click here and fill out the contact form to reach out. I reply to every real message. Or leave a comment below. Let's start a conversation about your journey toward recovery. You deserve support from someone who has been there—and I'm ready to listen.

Your story doesn't have to be one of struggle and confusion. With the right understanding, the right treatment, and the right support, it can become a story of remission, recovery, and reclaiming your life.

The path forward starts with a single step. Take it today.

Technically, rapid cycling bipolar disorder is defined as experiencing a depressive episode, followed by a manic or hypo-manic one, with little or no break in between. That description however, is cold, clinical and impersonal and doesn’t begin to describe what it feels like to experience a rapid cycling episode.

For me, rapid-cycling was like a two-headed monster with enough power to reduce a human being to the level of a babbling idiot, or like a demon that demands absolute submission to it’s will. One minute I felt like I was being thrown into a dark dungeon, tormented by an onslaught of excessive pessimistic thoughts until all hope was lost.

Then, without warning, the “chains” fell off and I was catapulted into a hypo-manic state where I was subjected to its most lethal weapon, deception, which enticed me into believing everything was great. Boundless energy seemed to flow through me and at times I felt indestructible. Creativity, high productivity and a drive to succeed, convinced me that I could take on numerous projects all at the same time and make wise decisions about all of them. My mind seemed to be operating in “overdrive”. Thoughts raced through my mind like misguided missiles, some failing to hit their targets while other thoughts appeared perceptive and at times ingenious.

Unfortunately, this made communicating with others difficult because I was unable to speak fast enough to express my thoughts. As a result, I often became agitated and impatient with anyone who could not keep up with me. In short, hypo-mania for me was a journey into grandiosity. It created in me an inflated idea of self importance that often led to ill conceived business ventures, unwise decisions, financial irresponsibility and a complete disregard of risks and dangers.

How Rapid-Cycling Impacts Daily Relationships

My experiences with rapid-cycling often led to misunderstandings, and at times fits of explosive anger which put a tremendous strain on my relationships with others. For example: During the years I spent in show business, (before I was diagnosed), the cast members and associates I worked with were often perplexed by how quickly my moods and behavior fluctuated. When my enthusiasm was high, I was friendly, quick witted, adventurous and fun to be around. Then for no apparent reason, when I wasn’t rehearsing or performing I would isolate myself, or hide from life in the unconscious state of sleep. As a result, many of my colleagues labeled me as “moody” at best, or they thought of me as an aloof snob.

Later in my life, (again before I was correctly diagnosed) when my mood swings rapidly transitioned from depression to a hypo-manic state, my wife initially made sincere attempts at compassion and forbearance. However, seeing that I was physically able to function, but appearing unwilling to do so, accusations and arguments occurred leading to a complete breakdown in communication.

Friends of mine, who also witnessed my rapid mood swings were quick to show genuine concern and offer what they considered “helpful” suggestions. But, when they thought their words were having little effect or gong unheeded, they began labeling me as irresponsible and unwilling to help myself. Some, in fact, sought to saddle me with guilt as a way to change my behavior. All this left me feeling isolated.

There seemed to be no one who could truly understand the signs and recognize what I was going through. And that frustrated me. I needed something else to begin my self care.

Steps I Took to Manage My Rapid-Cycling Episodes

1) Find a Specialist

First and foremost was finding a doctor who specialized in treating people with types of bipolar disorder.

2) Make a Commitment

Next and equally as important was making a commitment, that (no matter what) I would adhere to the treatment plan my doctor outlined and take the medications he prescribed.

With time, this began to stabilize the bio-chemistry in my brain which allowed me to function in a calmer, rational and emotionally controlled manner.

3) Develop Coping Skills

The third step was to develop effectual coping skills;

• Finding a cognitive therapist who had successfully treated people with bipolar disorder helped me develop those skills. (NAMI, DBSA, and similar organizations are good resources for obtaining referrals)
• Joining a reputable support group helped me learn successful coping skills from those who had first hand experience.
• Shifting my attention away from bipolar disorder by employing my talents and abilities, (which, by the way, we all have) to benefit others also proved to be an effectual and personally rewarding endeavor.
• Simple environmental and lifestyle changes had a positive effect on me as well.
• Sincerely asking forgiveness from those I had offended or hurt was not only a good coping strategy but if also liberated my conscience from guilt.
• Finally, adding prayer and meditation to my daily schedule proved to be a practical means of reducing anxiety as stated in Philippians 4:6,7. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known unto God. And the peace of God that surpasses comprehension, will guard your heart and mind…”

How Others Can Support Someone in a Rapid-Cycling State

Spouses, family member, and friends who seek to support someone who is experiencing a rapid cycling bipolar episode usually have little, if any, knowledge of bipolar disorder and even less about rapid cycling. Therefore, in addition to conferring with the doctor who is treating the person you are seeking to support, here are some practical things you can do.

• Realize that the person you are seeking to support has the same physical, emotional and psychological needs as you have.
• Acquire as much information about bipolar disorder rapid-cycling as you can. A good place to start is by contacting the organizations I mentioned earlier.
• If the person you are seeking to help is not psychotic or suicidal, it behooves you to ask what kind of help he or she is looking for. Doing that will accomplish two things. First, it will make it clear if you are capable and willing to provide the support you are being asked to give. Secondly, it will put you both on the same page, thus avoiding misunderstanding and useless arguments. By establishing these boundaries each of you will know what to expect from one another.
• Learn the difference between “supporting” and “enabling”. A supportive person, assists, aids and helps an individual to achieve their goal. An enabler decides what a person needs and seeks to control every aspect of that persons life, which inadvertently retards a persons recovery. Enablers also seek to “rescue” those they are supporting from suffering the consequences for their irresponsible and foolish behavior. People learn and grow by making mistakes or from unsuccessful attempts at achieving a goal.
• Seek to remain objective. Learn to recognize words, attitudes and behavior that are symptomatic of rapid-cycling and do not take them personally.

The things I’ve outlined are not easy. In fact, they are contrary to our basic emotional instincts and insight. But with time, patience and perseverance they will mature you as a person and provide the support someone needs to recover from this condition.

I never wanted sympathy, pity or advice during my episodes, but I greatly appreciated those who could empathize with what I was feeling. It meant so much to me to hear someone say, “yes, I understand – that’s the way I would feel in your situation.”

I look forward to your comments. If this has helped you, please share it with others. Or you have further questions, contact me.

Bipolar disorder is not only treatable and recovery possible, but it is achievable. I know this not only theoretically, but from personal experience.

What I have learned along my thirty year journey from confusion and pain to break through and recovery is that bipolar disorder, no matter the type or signs, affects the whole person – mind (one's thoughts and beliefs), soul (one's emotions) and body (one’s physiology and behavior).

It's more than words, it also extends its tentacles to every area of one's life. Based on that, the pathway to recovery involves a holistic approach.

The Early Years

Like so many who battle with manic depression, I was blessed with a diversity of artistic abilities that enabled me to tap into the deepest strata of my being. In one sense, my disorder was a blessing in disguise because my mood swings often triggered a plethora of artistic expressions both as an artist, an actor and a writer.

After graduating from the High School of Art and Design in Manhattan, New York and a stint on active duty in the U.S. Navy, I decided to follow in my father's footsteps as an actor/dancer and spent ten years in show business.

The bright lights and big city life were not without its pitfalls, and it was during that time that my former mood swings became more radical.

Rather than giving them much thought, I simply chalked them up to an artistic temperament or my type "A" personality.

I later had the insight to learn, however, that those experiences were actually manic depressive episodes.

The Ravages of Bipolar Disorder - A life Out of Control

With each passing year, my episodes became more frequent, lasted longer and became more severe. Subsequently, those radical mood swings led to bizarre behavioral patterns such as: apathy, isolation, excessive sleeping, chronic negative thinking, irresponsibility and thoughts of or attempts at suicide.

Then for no apparent reason, I suddenly cycled into a hypo manic state, characterized by "highs" (e.g. a hyperactive, euphoric state), racing thoughts, excessive speech, flights of ideas, impaired judgment and little if any need of sleep for days at a time. In addition to all that there were periodic apparitions, recreational drug use and sexually promiscuous behavior.

In short, my life was spinning out of control, which led to three suicide attempts and four hospitalizations all of which resulted in being misdiagnosed.

Break Through

Things began to change the day I was introduced to two young women, both of whom had extensive knowledge about bipolar disorder from first-hand experience and hours of empirical study.

After patiently listening to my story they asked several questions regarding my diagnoses, the medication I was taking, and the treatment plan my doctor had prescribed. As Jan, one of the two women listening to me shared some of her own forays with manic depressive disorder it became obvious to me that she understood what I was talking about.

Considering her knowledge and experience with my condition, along with the empathy and concern I read in her eyes, she gained my complete trust.

Later, as I was preparing to leave, Randi, Jan's roommate, handed me a piece of paper and said, "The next time you see your doctor, ask him these questions and get back to us."

I followed her directive but found my doctor's response to the questions I raised evasive and ambiguous at best. Frustrated and disappointed, I called my new found friends and made arrangements to meet with them again.

After hearing what my doctor had to say and the treatment plan he prescribed, both women advised me to stop wasting my time seeing what they called a general psychiatrist. "You need to get to a doctor who specializes in mood disorders", Jan said.

She then referred me to her doctor, who just so happened to be the Director of the Mood Disorder Program at the University Of Miami School Of Medicine, and offered to arrange an appointment for me.

The Diagnosis

Finally, after years of speculation, confusion, hospitalizations and incorrect diagnoses, I was correctly diagnosed by Dr. Paul Goodnick.

Following a thorough physical examination and a review of my life history, Dr. Goodniek, looking me directly in the eye, declared that I was suffering from what was known as Bipolar disorder, type II.

He then asked me a simple yet pointed question.

"Now that you know what you are dealing with, what are you willing to do about it?"

My answer was as direct as his question.

"Whatever it takes", I replied.

"Okay, here's what it is going to take," he said, promising to treat me if I would agree to the following conditions:

• To faithfully take the medications prescribed.
• Agree to have my blood drawn regularly.
• To keep and be on time for every appointment.
• To find and become part of a support group, and to see a therapist who specializes in mood disorders.

I continued that regime for ten years which eventually led to remission and recovery from the ravages of bipolar disorder.

Critical Lessons That Lead to My Recovery

• The importance of consistently maintaining the prescribed treatment plan to prevent relapses. One time I failed to keep an appointment with my doctor and was notified the next day that he was dropping me as a patient. Frantically, I called to apologize and asked him to reconsider and thankfully he did. Needless to say, I never missed another appointment.
• Learning to think in a healthier, more constructive way.
• Discovering and utilizing my unique God given gifts, talents, and abilities to help others.
• Reclaiming the things bipolar disorder stole from me which involved ...

1. My self identity and purpose in life.
2. The need to repair broken relationships with family and friends.
3. The faith to believe that "God had not given me a spirit of fear but one of power, love and a sound mind." II Tim. 1:7.

Implementing and practicing these self care steps eventually led to a third career as a Certified Mental Health Rehabilitation Specialist with the David Lawrence Mental Health Center in Naples Florida.

That position opened doors for me to lead a bipolar support group and opportunities to speak at various NAMI functions and conferences.

If you'd like to discuss your own situation or you have further questions, contact me.

Words are important. They are used to express thoughts, ideas, concepts, facts and emotions. Therefore, accurate information and clarity of words, especially when discussing bipolar disorder, is absolutely essential.

Put another way, inaccurate or false information leads to misconceptions, erroneous perceptions, confusing points of view and discouragement which ultimately leads to negative behavior.

Thus, words have consequences, not only for the individual suffering from bipolar disorder but for their family and friends.

Common Words Used to Describe Bipolar Disorder and their Consequences

During my time as a bipolar support group facilitator, I became acutely aware of how certain words were being used.

For example, after listening to some in the group express themselves, it became clear that the presuppositions and conceptions those individuals had of themselves were largely due to misguided or false information they received that ultimately became part oftheir belief system.

The following is a case in point.

Certain individuals had been told that bipolar disorder is a "sickness" or a "disease". Buying into that idea and applying those labels to themselves, those people who perceived of themselves as being "sick, were behaving like sick people.

To make matters worse, those same individuals had a tendency to blame their laziness, irresponsibility, character deficiencies and poor personal relationships on their "illness", insisting they were incapable of doing anything about it.

It has been said, and correctly I might add, that those suffering from manic depression are not at fault for showing the signs of having the disorder, but knowing that treatment exists, they are certainly responsible for their recovery.

Based on those early experiences, I resolved never to refer to my disorder as a sickness.

In the strictest sense of the word, bipolar disorder is not a "sickness".

It is not something someone contracts like the flu or a virus.

It is rather a biochemical imbalance that occurs in the brain.

As human beings, these chemicals affect our moods and subsequently our behavior.

For someone suffering from bipolar disorder, an abnormal increase in these chemicals will determine the degree and severity of their mood swings.

There are a wide variety of medical tests, including brain scans that reveal the difference between a bipolar brain to that of a normal one.

To ignore the science behind bipolar disorder is irresponsible.

I've also found that using words like "sickness" and "disease", especially when in a psychiatric context, tends to promote stigma and discrimination rather than reducing it.

Clarifying The Meaning Of The Words Remission, Recovery, and Living Well.

• Remission is the process by which one experiences a reduction or lessening of symptoms during treatment.
• Recovery - does not mean "cure", but is rather a consistent absence of manic depressive episodes, replaced by emotional stability together with a healthy rational way of thinking, that enables one to live a productive life.

In laymen's terms; remission is the journey and recovery is the result, or as another author puts it, "having the right picture, opens the door to recovery and a better future."

How Language Affects One's Self identity, Treatment Goals, And Behavior

Alexander Pope, the renowned English poet, once said, "Know Thyself'.

Shakespeare declared, "To your own self be true".

Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived proclaimed, "As a man thinks within himself, so is he." (Prov. 23:7)

In other words, the words we use internally, (self talk) greatly influences the insight and perception each of us have of ourselves as well as the impact it will have towards gaining a meaningful purposeful life.

This then raises another question;

Where Do I Begin

Before we can say we know ourselves, we must first correctly identify who we really are. Years of radical moods swings, together with irrational thinking have created the false self image many of us have of ourselves.

During my depressive cycles, I frequently thought of myself as worthless, useless and unfit to inhabit this planet. As a result, I hurt those closest to me, lost jobs and made poor decisions about most things.

The people I associated with found it difficult to separate me from my behavior which led to criticism, condemnation and rejection. Those dismissals only reinforced my negative self image.

Mania also distorted my true identity. At times I saw myself in an exaggerated extravagant light. Having that image of myself led to ill conceived business ventures, unwise decisions, financial irresponsibility and a complete disregard of risks and dangers that are so obvious to others.

As my emotional peaks and valleys began to level out, thanks to the medication I was taking, I knew it was time to address those issues.

The inner journey to discover who I really was began with what I called an honest self confrontation. That exercise was a slow, sometimes painful and arduous process.

As difficult as it was, however, I eventually got to a point where I was able to distinguish the true from the false ideas I had about myself. That new perspective turned out to be a major milestone in my recovery.

Helpful Practical Self Care Exercises - Here are some I found most helpful.

• Keep a journal that briefly describes the things you most think about. At the end of the week, circle the negative words and concepts you've recorded and jot down positive constructive words to replace the negative ones.
• Ask yourself the following questions: How are my thoughts (self talk) and the words I use, impacting my self identity - are they preventing me from living a purposeful, meaningful life - what can I do to change that? Do the words I use correctly describe the reality of my experiences, or are they being used to justify my negative behavior? Are my words producing hope within me or are they feeding and perpetuating depression?
• Read or listen to things that teach and inspire. For example, whatever things are true, honorable and right; whatever is lovely and of good repute; is there anything excellent and worthy of praise; dwell, ponder and think on these things.(Phil 4:8)
• Set realistic short term goals you'd like to achieve and then list the specific strengths, gifts, talents and abilities you have that will help you reach those goals.
• Join a good support group and pay attention to those who have learned to think and speak in a heałthy rational manner.

How we think and the words we use are not just semantics - they really do matter.

It is my fervent desire that anyone who has taken the time to read this blog, has found it profitable, encouraging and worth your time.

Keep pressing on.

It is better to say I'm glad I did, rather than saying, I wish I had.

Practicing the right kind of self care can make a real difference in managing bipolar disorder symptoms. Self care from a man's perspective is more than finding a way to unwind after a long day, In fact, from this man's point of view, it is an intrinsic part of "recovery" that allows one to experience ongoing stability and clarity towards a better future. Self care, for me, began with apassionate desire to achieve a state of being that was satisfying, like happiness or contentment.

1) Begin With Commitment

Self care begins with a commitment to follow your doctor's treatment plan; particularly as it relates to taking the medication he or she prescribed. Balancing the brains bio-chemistry is the cornerstone upon which self care and everything else rests.

2) Visualize What It Will Be Like To Attain Your Deepest Desire

That is the spark that ignites hope. To put it another way, "Without a vision, the people perish." (Prov. 29:18) A good example of this can be seen in the following illustration.

Many little boys dream about or visualize themselves as one day becoming a major league baseball player on a team that wins the World Series. It is the idea that one day that vision could become a reality that drives that youngster to do whatever is required to make that dream come true.

3) Develop A Plan With Discernable Goals To Track Your Progress

This can be done by keeping a journal. Included in your plan must be a mindset or attitude to never give up, no matter what obstacles comes your way. I offer this counsel not based on a theoretical theory, but from my own life experience when a friend asked me the following question;

"At this point in your life, if you could do anything you want, what would that be"? That question was asked at a time when I was well along in my treatment plan, in large part due the medication my doctor had prescribed, and my answer reflected that.

"That's easy", I said. "I'd work with people struggling with manic depressive disorder"

"Well then", my friend continued, "if you want to work in the mental health field, find a place to start and work toward that end."

After months of filling out applications, going to interviews ad-nauseam and pressing on through one frustration and disappointment after another, I finally was offered an entry level position in a residential treatment program that was part of a mental health center. Although I wasn't working exclusively with bipolar rapid-cycling patients, I was in the field I desired to be in.

4) Have A Contingency Plan In Place In Cast You Face A Setback

Your Contingency Plan May Include:

A temporary or permanent environmental change. This may be something as simple as a stroll on a beach - a walk in the park - listening to relaxing music, or something more permanent like a new place to live.

A consistent physical exercise program can also serve to clear your mind and reset your focus.

Engaging in some form of self-expression, such as; painting, writing, learning to play a musical instrument, gourmet cooking, gardening or learning a new skill can help if you encounter a setback.

Developing new friendships by socially interacting with people who share your interests and with whom you are comfortable being around.

5) Remove "Triggers" That Can Hinder Self Care

Triggers may include:

Trying to derive your identity, self worth, or purpose in life by attempting to "fix" everyone around you in order to gain their approval. Always remember; No one can make another person say, feel, or do anything without first giving them permission to do so.

Living your life well without setting boundary's and limits, particularly when it comes to relationships with others will hinder healthy self care as well. Therefore, learn to think about what you are being asked to do. Then ask yourself if it is in your power to do it and if it would be in the best interest of the person making the request to do so.

The following is an example taken from my own life experience may help clarify this point. I was asked once, how I usually respond when someone pushes my proverbial "panic button".

"I'd probably drop whatever I was doing to help them," I replied.

"Even if you knew that it would not be in that person's best interest?"

"How could it not be in someone's interest not to help them?" I asked.

"When it would prevent that person from helping themselves, or when it might be dangerous to do so."

"But if you care for someone, you're there for them, right?" I countered.

"But where do you draw the line? What are the limits? What if someone said they "needed" one hundred thousand dollars, or a brand new car?" I was asked.

Although some of the questions asked by my inquisitor that day were exaggerated, they stopped me cold in my tracks and the insight starting growing to see what was meant by setting boundaries and limits. I also learned something else that day; that saying "no" sometimes may be the best things I could do to help someone.

Buying into irrational fears and anxieties, can hinder and impede healthy self care. I was made aware of this when a very wise man once said, "Fear and anxiety are rarely based on facts or present reality. They are almost always founded on speculation and "what if" scenarios. However, those same "what if' questions vanish, (and so do fears and anxieties) when the future becomes the present and one's attention is fixed on the solution."

6) What Is At The Core of True Self Care?

True self care is, in fact, the very opposite of what most people think of when it comes to this subject, especially when it comes to men.

All that has been said thus far is certainly helpful, but it is the superstructure. The foundation, upon which absolute self care is built, from this writer's perspective, is love, i.e. meeting the needs of another person, without having as a motive personal gain. In other words, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." (Acts 29:35) Love is primarily about getting the focus off of one's self and onto others; as such, the measure of genuine self care will be in direct proportion to loving and caring for others. This however, this is only possible, (as mentioned in point #1) when a person's bio-chemistry is under control; and that happens when one remains on the medication prescribed by their doctor.

Let me be perfectly clear, when speaking about "love," I'm not referring to a warm fuzzy emotional feeling, or some form of sensual pleasure.

What I am speaking about is something completely objective - character - which is defined as follows:

"Love is patient and is kind. It is not jealous. It does not brag and is not arrogant. Love is not rude or disrespectful. It is not easily provoked. Love does not keep track of wrongs committed. It does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes and endures all things. Love never fails." (I Cor. 13:4-8)

One last thought directed to men. Taking care of yourself, especially when you recognize the signs of bipolar disorder, is not a sign of weakness, but rather is a form of strength. Everyone, including those reading this post, possesses unique talents and abilities. No one is here by accident. We all have a role to fulfill - a purpose - that no one else can carry out but you.

I look forward to your comments. If this has helped you or you have further questions, contact me.