Out of Darkness Into Light

The Effect Bipolar Disorder Had on My Soul and the Remedy I Found For It

(This is my story and is not meant to be a one size fits all directive)

Over the years, I’ve come to understand that human beings are more than just animals driven by instinct. Quite the contrary, we are holistic beings, comprised of a body and an immortal soul. Augustine put it this way: “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”

Believing that statement caused me to realize that there is more to “wellness” and “stability” than simply treating the physical aspects of a person.  However, when it comes to bipolar disorder the spiritual part of a human being is rarely, if ever, addressed.

I. The Missing Element to Achieve Complete Wellness

Despite the progress I was making during my treatment for bipolar disorder, I knew instinctively that there was something inside me that could only be satisfied metaphysically. That, for me, was why simply treating the physical part of my person was not enough to bring about complete wellness. That thought was confirmed when I considered the lives of people who, after achieving great success, physical longevity, wealth, fame, and power ended up miserable. One such person was King Solomon, who set his mind on exploring “...all that’s been done under the sun.” After acquiring wisdom, great wealth, pleasure, and power, he concluded that it was all “vanity (meaningless) and striving after wind.” (Eccl. 1:2)

From my perspective this pointed to a reality greater than a temporal physical one, i.e. an absolute dimension known as spiritual reality.

However, when I was working to make ends meet or dealing with the challenges of my disorder, any thought about how my disorder was affecting me spiritually never even entered my mind. I was more concerned with the things I could see, hear, and touch than I was about the spiritual aspect of my being.

Although I was a born again Christian during my battle with bipolar disorder, the behavior I was manifesting was a clear indication of the spiritual decline taking place in my life. Yet, unknown to me at the time, God would not leave me in that condition, but was gradually restoring my soul according to the work He began in me so many years before.

II. How the Spiritual Restoration of My Soul Began

I was in no condition to deal with the spiritual condition of my soul until my mood swings were brought under control (thanks to the medication my doctor had prescribed), and had learned to think in a rational, healthy manner.

It all began one afternoon when I came across an advertisement in the church listing section of our local newspaper. It was the name of the church “Faith Bible Church” that caught my eye and sparked my interest. Throughout the week I couldn’t get the name of that church out of my mind, so I decided to visit it that Sunday morning.

From the moment I entered the building, what I saw, heard, and experienced was reminiscent of the earlier days after my conversion.

Having been estranged from God for so long, my soul began to be revived. Week after week I found myself fervently seeking God in prayer. It was during those sober moments that I began to see how far I had wandered away from God and the vacuum it left inside of me. Time and again, I cried out for forgiveness based on Jeremiah 3:22, “Return O faithless son and I will heal your faithlessness.”

However, I soon realized, as was the case with my recovery from bipolar disorder, that healing and restoration can be an arduous and painfully slow process. For example, even though I spent time immersing myself in spiritual exercises, I was unable to find the peace I sought. The incessant accusations of conscience and the guilt that accompanied it weighed heavily on my heart.

In the midst of all that, I happened upon the parable of the “Prodigal Son” (Luke 15:11-32). I had read that parable numerous times, but it was somehow different that time. My focus became fixed on the younger son. As I carefully analyzed his character, behavior, and where he ended up, I began to see similarities in my own life and where I ended up, due to the effects bipolar disorder had on my life.

With that passage resonating in my mind, I went back to the beginning of the chapter to find out what it was that prompted Jesus to speak that parable. Verse two provided the answer. It seems that the religious leaders were trying to disparage Jesus by saying, “This man receives sinners and he eats with them.” Given my spiritual condition at the time, those words rang out in my head like the bells of Notre Dame.

As I thought about those words, the unconditional love and forgiveness of Christ captivated my soul like never before. Soon the taunting accusations of conscience gave way to the peace and spiritual healing that had eluded me for so long. That, together with the absence of radical mood swings, began to transform me into a completely new person.

During that same time period I also experienced a renewed passion to read and meditate on Scripture, which over time led to a spiritual, yet real, relationship with Jesus Christ.

That relationship was, and continues to be, something totally different than being a “religious” person or engaging in spiritual exercises—like giving God an hour of my time on Sunday, then going about my business the rest of the week.

I can think of no better way to describe this spiritually intimate relationship than to liken it to the loving relationship a man may have for a woman and vice versa. That kind of relationship like no other is characterized by:

• Spending as much time together as possible enjoying each other’s company.
• It includes giving one’s life to the other person and doing all one can to please the other person.
• It means avoiding anything that might be construed as offensive or disrespectful.
• It involves expressing gratitude for all that is done to enhance the life of the other person.
• Finally, it manifests itself by telling everyone about the wonderful person you share your life with.

Scripture goes even further than that. It compares the relationship between Christ and His people to that of a groom to his bride. (Matt. 25:1-12; Rev. 19:7-9). Therefore, having a spiritual relationship with Christ is all about being united to Him. It’s about Him laying down His life for His bride.

When all of that became clear to me, everything in my life became wonderfully synchronized—which was the complete opposite of the turbulence that characterized my life during my manic depressive days.

III. Enlightenment – The Key That Restored my Soul

While this is my story, it is obviously not the same for those who have achieved a measure of stability from bipolar disorder. But to those who have attained some degree of stability and are still feeling restless or incomplete, let me encourage you to consider the spiritual condition of your life. Here are some practical steps that I’ve found helpful.

• Get back to basics. Revisit and reexamine the spiritual truths you’ve found helpful in the past. If you’ve never considered the spiritual side of your life, begin now by asking yourself this question: what is the spiritual state of my life?
• Try reading biographies of people who have struggled with this issue and the means they used to attain spiritual peace and stability.
• Develop a habit of seeking God in prayer.

Caution: In most cases the quest to find spiritual peace and stability will not be achieved overnight—but press on. The light at the end of the tunnel is beyond anything you can ever imagine! I know that from experience and you can too.